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Sunday, May 29, 2011

Life at the "Amusement Park"

Life just keeps on coming.  Even when I yell, "Stop!"  Even when I shout that "I want to get off this ride or I'm going to be sick!"  :)

Here are some of last month's really fun amusement "rides":

1.  THE BUZZING BEE:  A swarm of bees made a luxurious grand palace in the eaves of the roof of our house--right outside my bedroom.  We sprayed and sprayed them, but somehow, ignoring death, a few of them found a secret corridor through the wall to be INSIDE!  Buzzing all around my room.  I spent an afternoon chasing them down with a bedroom slipper.  I thought I had smashed them all, but one got away and almost stung Charlie.

2.  THE ESKIMO CYCLONE:  Our dog (an American Eskimo) is still shedding.  Endlessly.  No matter how much I vacuum or how many times I brush him.  I have dust bunnies of fur bigger than the dog.  Everywhere.  All the time.  Don't even try to visit me and sit on the couch.  You will go home looking like you've been tarred and feathered.  Only it will be tarred and furred.

3.  THE STOMACH TURNER:  I got sick with the stomach flu.  Then a week later, I got sicker with the stomach flu.  Then I got better, so I could catch a spring cold.  Then bronchitis.  Just in time for allergy season to hit.  I may never breathe again. 

4.  SURPRISE SPLASH MOUNTAIN:  We accidentally dug through the sprinkler system line while putting in the garden.  Then the dog chewed off a sprinkler head in the backyard and brought it to me proudly.  But it doesn't really matter, because it never stops raining.  So functional sprinklers are moot.

5.  THE ROTATING REVENGE:  The bathroom sink is backing up.  Slower every day.  I don't want to face the clean-out.

6.  THE COSTCOMENATOR:  Our Costco card needed renewing.  The week I had already overshot the food budget.  The week I had decided I needed a LOT of things from Costco and my basket was full.  The week there were LOTS of customers waiting in line behind me.

7.  THE SALT MINE:  The water softener ran out of salt.  Causing the dishwasher to leave a hard white coating over all the dishes and the interior of the dishwasher.  It wouldn't scrub off, even with steel wool.   The final remedy (and not a very successful one) was a gallon of vinegar and cursing the new "no phosphate allowed" dishwasher detergents.

8. THE FLYING DRAGON:  Carpenter ants invaded the family room and the basement.  Endlessly for 3 weeks.  No matter how much poison we offered them.

9. THE YELLOW SCREAMER:  I carefully sprayed off the back porch and patio furniture in anticipation of pleasant picnics and barbecues.  Just in time for the pine trees to bloom.  Now everything is covered with a thick coating of yellow pollen. 

10.  THE WHITE DEMON:  The dog threw up.  All over the living room floor.  Just before some friends came to visit.  Then, he peed.  On me.  And then on our guests.   The ones who left with white fur all over them.   And a special feeling about us. 

I LOVE Amusement Parks.  Don't you?  : )

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